I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize