yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
