She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar