if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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