My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.