Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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