My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...