I hate your face
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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