my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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