She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
