I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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