My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
