i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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