The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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