I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
