I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if only i could text you this smell
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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