this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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