How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
