i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
