If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
