If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
