i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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