I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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