My room smells like vodka and shame
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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