Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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