Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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