when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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