He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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