I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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