They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
