Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
