Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
