some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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