I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
