Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
