She's JV to your varsity
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
