Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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