real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
