i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
