I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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