Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
pray to the hookup gods
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
