Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
