his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
