I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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