Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize