she looked like the before picture.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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