You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
soo... how was my night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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