Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
