i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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