god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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