He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.