At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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