i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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