Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize