OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
