im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
