mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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