just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
