But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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