Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
