oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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