I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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