Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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