I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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