between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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