You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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