his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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