I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
