Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
