Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
