But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
