I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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